Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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