if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
