when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
