Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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