Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
