Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize