I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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