So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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