i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
