It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
