Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
