Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
