just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
