i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think my moral compass just broke
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
