I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize