the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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