I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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