Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
