See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
