My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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