you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
