whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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