im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
