somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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