are you so shy because you have an std?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
