As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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