Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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