He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
