that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
