and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
