dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
