seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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