Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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