Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
