Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
