he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize