im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
