Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
