I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize