Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
