He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
