I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
