Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
