I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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