Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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