small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
