The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize