Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
