I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
