I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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