and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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