im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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