I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
