genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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