lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
