I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
