Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
