There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
