Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dignity is for republicans.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
