At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
