I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize