I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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