What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
