I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
