all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize