My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
