Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
