in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
