She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
