ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
