I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Omg I joined a choir last night...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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