and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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