I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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