I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
