Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
