My room smells like vodka and shame
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
