My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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