he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
