Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
