the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
