I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
