Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
