I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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