Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Two words: blizzard sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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