i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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