Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
