420 ftw
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
